Sunday, November 2, 2014

One Year Ago

Did that really just happen? Did a whole year really just pass?? One year ago today. I remember laying upside down in a doctors office letting 2 tiny embryos try to attach. What was I doing? This is crazy! I can't believe I am getting the chance to do this. I can't believe this is REALLY happening! I was about to become pregnant with someone else's child. At that point only my close friends and family knew what I was doing. I was nervous to come out publicly about being a surrogate. Even though honestly I didn't care how people felt it still made me nervous thinking about all the negative things people could say. I didn't want to publicly come out until I knew I was pregnant because pretty soon it'd be a little difficult to hide.

On November 2nd I had 2 embryos transferred. Not just 1 but 2.. I COULD HAVE BECAME PREGNANT WITH TWINS!! Can you imagine me pregnant with twins! That'd be a sight to see.. At 6 weeks pregnant we found out only 1 embryo stuck. The little surrobaby miracle. It was such an amazing experience and a much different pregnancy experience.

Even though I did have a few very minor complications the pregnancy was pretty easy. No morning sickness, no bedrest, nothing too crazy.. Towards the end of my pregnancy they realized I had extremely low iron and had me take 2 iron pills a day along with my prenatal. And I had to start eating more iron enriched foods. THEN it started. I some how mid pregnancy became lactose intolerant. And it was BAD I mean REALLY REALLY BAD! So I had to cut dairy out which made my iron tank even more. And by the time we realized how low it was it was baby time. Surrobaby decided to come 2 weeks early.

Around 18 weeks we found out surrobaby was going to be a girl. At least that what it looked like haha. I remember the ultrasound tech saying. Well its NOT a boy so that only leaves a girl. But little miss was so stubborn and did not want to let anyone see her. J&J came down for the very first ultrasound, the anatomy scan, and then the delivery. So we got to enjoy some time with them before baby girl came. I was always taking lots of belly pictures and videos to send to them. We talked weekly about what all was going on. And we still talk about every other week now and I love getting updates about surrobaby. I know they are busy with having a new baby and I'm also busy with the kids.

I still look back and think WOW! I did that. I helped complete a family. Not only did my husband and I make 2 amazing kiddos but I also gave another family a child of their own. Some people look at surrogacy and think its like adoption. It is not. I just carried a baby for someone else I did not carry my own child and place them for adoption. I am not on the birth certificate. I am not on any legal documents. Surrobaby was not my child. Ever. From day 1 she has always been J&J's baby.

People ask me all the time if I'd do it again. All I can say is in a heartbeat. I don't know if I ever will do it again. But if I had to go back I would do it all over again. Maybe not the glucose test but everything else yes. That glucose test is DISGUSTING! If I ever had another child I would call around and choose my doctor on how they do their glucose testing.. I'm dead serious. Being on such a sugar high and then having that bad of a crash afterwards is something I have never experienced before and honestly I didn't think it was a real thing until I did the 3 hour glucose test.

My family was my main concern with me being a surrogate. I was so scared of what it would do to them. How they would handle it. How would my husband feel about me being pregnant with someone else's child. How would my children feel about me being pregnant and then not bringing a baby home. Would they think surrobaby was their brother or sister? How would they feel about J&J? I never once questioned my own feelings. And through out the whole pregnancy I felt great I never wondered if I would become attached to her or if it'd be hard giving her to her parents when the time came. Then right before the delivery I started to worry. I started to get scared that as soon as she was born I would form this bond with her and want her for myself. I was scared I would get post partum depression and that I would just completely shut out my family. It worried me. But as soon as she was born their was nothing no connection, no bond, no feeling that I felt with my own children. I genuinely cared for her. And was worried about her wellbeing but that was it. I also was so excited for her parents to meet her. Adam did amazing during the delivery and the whole pregnancy. He was extremely supportive, he liked J&J, he did a lot of foot rubbing (I had some really swollen sausage link toes and elephant ankles haha), and when it came time for delivery he did great. He always does great. Brett and Brynna always knew surrobaby as J&J's baby. They never once called her their sister. Never once asked why she wasn't coming home with us. They also did great.

J&J missed the birth but they were there shortly after. Honestly though I think it was probably a good thing they weren't there to witness my exorcism birthing experience. If you would like to read about the delivery you can click here and it will take you to the birth story. You can also go to the bottom of my blog and see some of the more popular blog post. By the way, did you know that if I was a whale I would still be pregnant!! Whales are pregnant for a year! And elephants are pregnant for about 22 months! Now that is CRAZY! Who wants to be pregnant for almost 2 years. I don't even like going past 40 weeks haha.

We now live about 5 hours from J&J and will probably be making a trip down to see them sometime in the next couple of months. I can't wait to see sweet surrobaby in person again. She has grown so much just in the past 4 months and she is so cute and chubby.

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